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  • Writer's pictureBéatrice Barbeau

Glass Onion ★★★☆ | New Years Eve and Jello Shots

It was New Year's Eve, 2022 and the treats I bought weren't kicking in. I had welcomed in the year by going to bed at 10pm in my friend's apartment as I cat-sit her new adoptee. This year I HAD to party. I looked to my friends and asked them if they were feeling anything and my boyfriend adamantly said that they weren't working, so I decided I needed an alternate route.

Earlier that day, my best friend, Lani, who was visiting from Austin, helped me spend the day making various appetisers themed from different decades. She wrapped some rockmelon and prosciutto while I skewered fruit to impale a ball of tin-foil. We had also chosen a great appetiser themed for the 2010s, vodka jello shots. Although we had only ten people coming to my two-bedroom apartment in Newtown we made fourteen red and green Aeroplane Jelly jello shots.

The jelly needed longer time to set than we anticipated, I had checked the jelly at nine pm to see if it was ready to circulate around the party but was dissapointed by the wet indent my finger made when I tested it. I told my friend, Freddie that the shots would be good to go in an hour. Upon reflection, Freddie, and everyone else, didn't really seem as enthused by the idea of jello shots as I was. The fairy bread had stolen the show, as it would but thought "I can have sugary carbs any day of the week". Today was my opportunity for sugary alcohol.

The jello circled around the party around ten thirty pm, an hour after we dropped and we were convinced nothing was going to happen. I helped myself to a red jello cup. Everyone was saying how strong the jelly was and although I agreed, it was the first time in ages that sweet jelly touched my lips. As the vodka-soaked gelatin based snack slipped through my lips and dissolved onto my tongue I remembered being happy as a child - an obvious false memory that Jello had implanted into the sweet centres of my tongue. It was delicious.

"I'm not drinking anymore tonight," I said proudly to my sister as she gulped a large glass of water in the kitchen. I was intent on sticking with it, it's bad to be drinking so much, this late. But there was someone, lurking in the back of my mind, someone who tries to circumvent the rules I put in place for myself. That thing, behind the back of my brain, found the loophole and it was the jello.

I grabbed a green jello from the fridge, dancing and watching Charlie Pickering on my housemate's muted wide-screen TV. I went back to the fridge, there were four more jello cups in the fridge. Was no one drinking the jello that Lani and I made? I grabbed two and gave one to Lani who was sitting on the balcony, before disappearing onto the "dancefloor" to dance to "The Impression That I Get" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. A song that my boyfriend was worried that I was going to get mad at him for putting on due to my hatred of SKA. But it was New Year's Eve, and Ska was allowed.

Lani handed me back her green jello cup and I proceeded to eat from it. "Goddamn I like jelly," I thought as I sucked it down with a little teaspoon. I like it so much, I helped myself to another serving. God knows how many jello cups I had before the so-called dud treats started kicking in.

In New Year's Tradition, me and my bisexual female friends all kissed to ring in the New Year and then, as a party with lots of couples in their late 20s and mid-30s does, everyone went home. Putting me back to bed at around 1:30 am... the perfect NYE...

New Year's Day I woke up and vomited three times and realised I must have had a lot of green jello because my pee was green up until Jan 2nd. When I finally got out of bed at 7 pm my boyfriend and I watched Glass Onion.

I had seen the hate it had been getting on Twitter the past few days and I thought, in my jello-hangover state that it wasn't that bad at all. The characters were alright, the mystery was interesting and it was nice to look at.

Is it a fantastic movie? Absolutely not. I think the pacing was tiresome and it took so long to reveal a body but it was there when I needed it most. Will I ever watch this movie again? Absolutely not. Maybe if I was someone who would put my hobby as watching the American Office in my dating profiles, then yes, I would love this movie. But I think I'm just not that basic.

Highlight: Edward Norton still being a little bit fine...

Lowlight: Annoying covid references.

Anyways I hope you all had a lovely NYE and see you next time I watch a movie.

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